today yesterday

TODAY YESTERDAY

7th September 2005
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Dear Diary,
The first day at the new house. Quite remarkable, I should say. Moving out from the hustle of the city, into this beautiful countryside, is truly rewarding.
Mayberry Heights, our new place is called. After years of wandering from apartment to apartment, it seems I met with a nice perfect place for my family.
There is a vast backyard here with a small brook and a vineyard. Planning to explore the place with my little lads in the coming days. but before that I have to furnish all the statements and paperwork on the ownership of this place. The agency does not seem to know the previous owner of the apartment. Well, what difference will that make? Nothing.
As far as I’m concerned, the place is a breeding ground for new ideas. Lets see the magic this beautiful place casts over writing.
Well, it has been a busy day and am tired like nothing. Need to get some good sleep.
Good night 



7th September 1997
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Dismal failure.
I am a disgrace to a lawyer’s profession. But all the odds were against me. If that property rights reform was not revoked, I would have won. Now I’m aboard a sinking ship. God, show me a way out.
Even the very ground I stand upon, is getting slipped away.
I am not sure about Emily. What will she think of me. A prodigal husband without a backbone in his own profession. That’s what she thinks. She no more enjoys partying in the house. She no more entertain discussing cases with her. She no more cares whether I had a good day at the court or not. Everything was fine once. And even the word ‘once’ seems obsolete.
Tomorrow’s thanksgiving, and I don’t have a single extra penny for a fine dinner with my family. Mayberry heights seems to have a very tough time now.
Bankrupt, broke and misunderstood. That’s what I am today.
Got to get some sleep. The weariness of my body is killing me.
May god bless us all.







13th September 2005
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Dear Diary,
Another very fine day at the Mayberry heights. I wonder why the previous owners of this glorious place, even thought of selling it to somebody else. It’s such a beauty. Today myself and my lads had a stroll through the backyard of this small haven. The Brook’s just remarkable. The boys seem to love it. They have not been much out of the urban forest into this part of the country. They seem amazed by the grace of the flora and fauna here.
But the real joy for the day was something else. I got a letter from Mills and Boon stating that they are interested to publish my new novel. I feel honored for an amateur writer like me getting to publish in such a great banner. All the credits to May berry Heights. This place is incredibly lucky.
Still a dozen places to explore in this vast compound, but lets just unveil the suspense slowly. Tomorrow will be another busy day at the office.
Sleepy and happy.
Good night 







13th September 1997
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Wretched day, it was.
I had a terrible fight with Emily. She seems to disagree with the idea of selling the house. After all, for a small family like ours what is the need for such a big house?
She thinks I’m solely responsible for losing the property and all the fortune. In a way she is right. If it was not for my cursed nights at those damn poker tables, my family could have got a better status. But how can she ignore all I have done for the family. For the children’s welfare. She will never understand the hardship to earn for the daily bread.
Mayberry heights have grown into aburden, hard to carry through. If I sell it the money would be helpful settling half the debts.
At the bar association also, people began to treat me like a penniless pervert. All those bastards whom I used to call friends seem to dive deep down escaping from me. They were there behind poker table. They were behind expensive joints. But now none’s there to back me up.
In the face of peril, I’m all alone.
I pray to god to make me sleep fast. A sane man wont be able to take this any further.
May god bless my family.





17th September 2005
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Dear diary,
After three days of tiresome work, I finally got a Saturday off. Today I made a discovery in the barn. A trapdoor leading to a cellar. A vine cellar, technically. But unfortunately, there was no vine. Only paint cans and big hard bound books. Law books they were. And to my surprise a diary too, of the year 1997.
Most probably it belongs to the previous owner. It was strange that it was written only till the 17th of September. Exactly 8 years back.
It was evident from the entries that it was of a lawyer. But the initial pages were more like a cash register than a personal diary. Only case discussions and resolutions and some bar announcements. There were statistics and small write ups on lost poker games. It seemed that this guy was bit of a gambler.
To my surprise, there was not even one word about his family in the initial part, for some 50 pages.
But the entries of September were all but terribly sad. I felt sorry for this man, who lost all his fortune and even the apartment to the quicksand of lavish lifestyle. No entries after 17th September. The blank pages made me think the improbable. I am worried about him.
Well, feeling sleepy. I just pray that wherever his family is; let them be in sound health and wealth.
Good night 




17th September 1997
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Emily left me.
She took the children with her. She said that it was needed for the children. She can’t see them growing up like their father, she said.
She is right. None want their children to grow up and living the same cursed life that they had to live. But surely it breaks my heart. Till now I was everything short of alone. Now I’m in an island of desolation waiting for god’s gauntlet rise and fall against my throat.
I am writing this in the vine cellar, beside the last bourbon bottle, in the light of a dying candle.
Well, for the candle death is so noble, as it shines till its downfall. Not like me, who pass into the silence alone, hurt and broke. No friends, no acquaintances, no refuge.
Thanks Mayberry heights, to stay with me till date.
With the last sip of this liquor, I pray to god to swiftly take me away far from all the human miseries to the depths of hell.
Farewell…

Incandescence

Light. It gave me pain constantly.
Why I didn't know. Maybe i was bit more used to darkness. Or maybe darkness found some use for me. Constantly banishing me to darkness by the very same people whom I loved most. Maybe this darkness made me feel better. Everything was painted in pitchblack. All the world's misery and all the world's vice was brilliantly hidden by this shade. I too was well hidden inside. A perfect camouflage. And who bothers to gaze into the darkness so as to find a human form. Bit by bit, i'm getting consumed by this never ending oblivion. Yet a small desire to see a tinge of bright light. There i began the quest for light. All i could find was more and more darkness. I surpassed the very same roads and the ery same turns. It may seem strange for a vermin like me to search for light despite the hatred i had towards it. Something was driving me forward, as to which direction i was moving, i didnt know. And when all hopes ceased i was dazzled by a shimmering glow far up in the infinity. Oblivion never had a horizon. But it was never pulling me back from going forward to that etherial glow. It was magical. Kind of a medicine to my wounded heart. I was driven forward to that distant glow. But the more i walk, the more it moved away from me. As if it was running away from me. At some point of time i was cursing the moment i felt like chasing the light. Now it seemed that i had no other choice other than to follow it. It took energy out f my body and my soul, leaving me lethargic. Yet my feet kept me moving. There was no looking back. But this incandescence, why do i feel that this light is tricking me. I couldnot stop chasing. I felt somewhere in my heart that if i hold on to the trail, someday I'll catch it. But in the mean time, i felt a bleak fear groaning inside me, that if I quit, I'm going to perish. Like a rat stuck in a maze i'm still chasing the Incandescence afraid to stop.

pain gain

I've created a blog today, precisely speaking, The 13th of July 2009 AD. I don't know what to write. Because I'm an ametuer in this field.
I've always wonder why I've been so unknowingly come across situations In my life wherein I come across duel of conscience and social order. I dont feel it alright. Because when I come across someone who is in need of help in a, say, A hostile situation. I feel I am thrown into a eworld ruled over by material gains. Let me put it across in a more simple way. I 'm travelling in a bus sitting comfortably while others stand besides me. Then someone really in need to sit enters the bus. He or she looks around anxiously to find a kind face of those who are not bothered to stand up. The needy eyes reach me. I'm wiling to stand up. My morality says to me to act quickly. But my selfishness arrests me and in a jiffy I withdraws myself and sit like a corpse overpowered by an unknowing emosion of possessiveness. And when somebody alse gets up and the needy gets the seat I feel shrunken inside a corpsy shell. I feel like I am cut short of humanity and I sit feeling so much guilty. It is a stupid feeling, like when you find someone dieing and even if you can save him you are doing nothing. You feel like you are the shylock of the present and literally an asshole. I like to tell you the matter so that any of you can tell me a possible corrective measure. Finally may the force be with You and me.................................................... beyond this it is written in another universe.....